To My Dear bloggers, I would need your contribution to this email I received from a reader of my blog.
Dear PJK, I need your advice. I just started reading your blog and I just have this knowing that you can help me.
I am an American Citizen but was brought up by my parents in Nigeria. I spent over 25 years of my life growing up in Lagos, Nigeria and now I have to deal with a lot of accentuation problems and trying to get people to understand how I speak. Anyways, when I was in Lagos, I fell in love with a beautiful lady and we were betrothed to be married and both families where aware of the relationship. Growing up in that part of the world was not too great for me, so I had to return to my country of birth and citizenship, and I promised her that I would get her over so we could be together, but time elapsed and out of sight became out of mind.
I am now married to a very beautiful White woman and we have 2 awesome daughters together. We do not have any marital issues whatsoever; until I got an email from my first love that she was visiting the States. Apparently, she was issued a visa to visit. Old feeling emerged and I met up with her when she visited the states. One thing led to another and we had several sexual encounters that brought back sweet memories. She had since returned to Lagos and I am torn again.My wife does not know about it at all and the complication now is, she emailed me telling me she’s pregnant and wants to come over to have the baby in the United States. I guess her visa was not for too long, it had since expired and she was later refused another entry visa because she was disallowed entry to come give birth here in the States.
In one hand I am glad she was refused the visa and on another hand I am confused and don’t know what to do about the baby on the way. I have email pictures of her looking pregnant. I’m also, thinking it might not be mine. But, I did violate my marriage vows but I know for sure if I tell my wife, she will leave me, because one of the conditions of our love was that we will never cheat. This lady was my first love and we never really broke up. Time just happened to us and boom here we are.
Advise me PJK, do I tell my wife or do I just leave it as it is in Africa. I am considering relocating to another State right now and my wife does not like this city anyway. HELP!!!
Signed
African 2Face
PJK: What Should African 2Face Do?
Wow! This is huge. I will try to be brief and straightforward though there's much underlining my response.
ReplyDelete2Face made his first mistake by not having a closure with the lady he leftback in Nigeria. He sshouldn't have left her hanging ehen he realised the possibility of them not being to able to be together. The closure would have helped them both to move on.
He also made a mistake of not telling his wife about this other lady. She might have been able to help him let her down nicely and with wisdom.
His immature approach did him in, in that he msintained secret communication with the lady in Nigeria...obviously bcos of his cowardice and foolishness of not being able to put an end to one thing before jumping into another.
He has to come to terms with his misdeeds and face the consequences of his mistake and dishonesty.
He has to face his wife and confess. He runs the tisk of loosing her and possibly the custody of his two daughters...On y he other hand his wife might be able to forgive him. In which case he will have to undo his ties to the lady in Nigeria but accept his fatherly responsibility for the coming baby ( if the baby's actually his. There are ways to gind that out).
He must know that he cannot eat his cake and have it. He did wrong and he created the mess...he should be a man and clean up the mess. Only one chance to mend things...hopefully he will man up and face his demons. Because running to another city could keep him unreachable to the lady in Nigeria but his conscience will never give him rest especially with the fact that he now has a secret child.
Truth always catches up to expose evil...he must know that.
Enough said...
Wow! I know of wisdom but this is what I call Witty Wise! Great input.
DeleteSorry people for the typos. I wasn't able to edit though I tried...don't know how yet...lol. But I think we get my drift... ;) Thanks.
ReplyDeleteNo worries, we could deduce what you were trying to say.
ReplyDeleteOk. Pjk, I don't like to judge, so I will put in my comments the best way I can. They say it's one who wears the shoe knows where it pinches. 2face , you made a mistake and that's ok, the most important thing here is that you know you have made one, reason why you cry out for help. You can still make amends to correct this mistakes, even though some hearts would be terribly torn apart especially that of your wife. God loves the sinner but he hatespecially sin. Confess your sin to Him, ask for forgiveness, your are afterall accountable to him in the first place, before any other person. Then go to your wife, and tell her of your mistakes and ask her to forgive you. Believe me, you need her forgiveness, if she loves you trully, she will, and you can both be better off stronger after this. Trust me, I have been there. Now on your first love back home, you need to let her know you can't be there for her the way she wants you to, as you are happy in your marriage. Let her know what happened between you two was a terrible mistake and you regret the way you handle your affairs with her, but that you meant no harm to her in any way. Soothe her hurts, that is what she needs right now. You moving to another city is not the best option. There is a saying that, says 'you can't run from your shadows', and besides, common, it's really is a small world. You guys can meet again. So take care of your responsibility, no point wondering if the child is yours or not. You had sex with her, Period!....there are ways to finding out paternity, you don't need to run. There is an innocent child on the line. So think hard, pray hard, and make a godly decision to do what's right . I trust you will do the right thing. Mistakes only makes us better people. Cheers.
Delete